How we form Relationships

The first formulation of a relationship is about our behaviour. According to some theories, before we are born the first relationship that we have is with our mother which is based on trust. However, as we get older, we have to form that relationship with others. The problem is that we have our perception of the world, therefore we expect everyone to have the same perception as us. Often that’s when relationships go wrong, as we build a relationship based on our own experiences and our own perception of what it should look like. In many relationships, this can cause communication breakdown, and we find it hard to accept change in other people which can cause conflict, fear, anxiety and insecurity.

The second formulation of a relationship is emotional attachment and sexual association. According to some theories, between the age of eight and ten, we learn how to love and enter into a relationship. These relationships are important for our survival and our mental health even though we are not aware of it yet; we are in the learning stage.

If you come from a functional family, you will feel safe and protected, but how do you keep this feeling when you become an adult and when you move into a relationship? Do people have to love and show unconditional love, because that’s what you are used to?

It is interesting to note that if you come from a dysfunctional family, you will always look for what you didn’t have. For example, if you don’t know what love is you will spend your life looking for it.

Some people will operate from the belief that when things go wrong it is someone else's fault in the relationship; they think that that person needs to change.

If you're dealing with any of those issues and need help contact us today.